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The ABCs of Homosexuality
Page 1 of 2
Bridge of Hope wants to help you understand (or rethink) the issue of
homosexuality from a personal perspective, and encourage you to
reach out with compassion and understanding to those struggling
with unwanted same-sex attraction and/or homosexual behavior.
These two web pages will provide a basic understanding about
Page 1
Other pages on this website provide books and articles for reading,
personal testimonies to encourage you that change is possible, and
related links so that you can do your own "study to show yourself
approved" and understand homosexuality from a redemptive
standpoint.
Contact us by email. We offer support for men, women,
parents, family, friends , spouses, and youth.
homosexuality from a personal perspective, and encourage you to
reach out with compassion and understanding to those struggling
with unwanted same-sex attraction and/or homosexual behavior.
These two web pages will provide a basic understanding about
Page 1
- Introduction
- Male Gender-Identity Development
- Female Gender-Identity Development
- Gender-Identity Separation Characteristics
Other pages on this website provide books and articles for reading,
personal testimonies to encourage you that change is possible, and
related links so that you can do your own "study to show yourself
approved" and understand homosexuality from a redemptive
standpoint.
Contact us by email. We offer support for men, women,
parents, family, friends , spouses, and youth.
For those who deal with unwanted homosexuality, it looms
over you like an ominous cloud. You just don't know where to
start tackling what seems to be a life-controlling problem.
The first step is to define the issue. So what exactly is
homosexuality? Let's define it!
over you like an ominous cloud. You just don't know where to
start tackling what seems to be a life-controlling problem.
The first step is to define the issue. So what exactly is
homosexuality? Let's define it!
- A homosexual is a person who has ON-GOING erotic and romantic desire for, and sexual
involvement with their same gender.
- Homosexuality is the condition where one’s EXCLUSIVE or PRIMARY sexual and/or
romantic attractions are toward people of the same gender, rather than people of the
opposite gender.
- These are powerful feelings of sexual and/or emotional attraction that one has for the
same gender.
- One dealing with homosexuality possesses a history of LONG-STANDING homosexual
feelings with little to no heterosexual attraction.
- To be GAY is more of a social and political statement, in which a homosexual person
embraces a lifestyle and identity that is supportive of homosexuality.
The next step is to determine the key components of the
problem. Based on the experience and testimonies of the
thousands of men and women who have overcome
homosexuality, the three key areas are sexual behavior,
sexual identity (or gender identity), and sexual attraction.
Now, that ominous, looming cloud has been defined and
broken into manageable pieces.
problem. Based on the experience and testimonies of the
thousands of men and women who have overcome
homosexuality, the three key areas are sexual behavior,
sexual identity (or gender identity), and sexual attraction.
Now, that ominous, looming cloud has been defined and
broken into manageable pieces.
Instead of homosexuality being genetically "stamped" at birth, experience shows that sexual
attraction is greatly influenced by sexual identity (or gender identity) and sexual behavior.
As depicted in the diagram below, experience has shown your sexual attraction is fluid and thus
can be changed/influenced by solidifying your gender identity and controlling your sexual
behavior.
attraction is greatly influenced by sexual identity (or gender identity) and sexual behavior.
- Sexual Identity (or gender identity) – Am I comfortable with my level of
manhood/womanhood? Do I feel like I measure up in terms of my gender? Am I
accepted by other members of my own gender? - Sexual Behavior involves:
- Sexual acts with the same gender
- Fantasy
- Masturbation
- Sexual Attraction – Is not the sexual lust for the opposite sex, but the appreciation for
and interest in the opposite sex as someone different. It also includes romantic feelings
and the desires to marry and become one with a member of the opposite sex.
As depicted in the diagram below, experience has shown your sexual attraction is fluid and thus
can be changed/influenced by solidifying your gender identity and controlling your sexual
behavior.
Introduction
Basically there are two schools of thought on what causes homosexuality. The first
presupposes that homosexual feelings are strictly a choice. The other maintains that
homosexuality is an inborn condition that is unchangeable.
Bridge of Hope takes a position different from both stances. First, feelings come from deep
within us and they are not a conscious choice. Secondly, research does not substantiate that
a child is genetically "stamped" homosexual/gay at birth. Our experience has shown that
different things cause homosexuality for different people. Our position is that homosexuality is
a developmental issue, and our fallen state has sabotaged God's designed process by which
boys and girls gain their gender identity and become aware of their masculinity and femininity.
That being said, the dynamics of human sexual development are a complex mixture of biology,
psychology and environment. Therefore, this information should not be viewed as a
generalized, blanket explanation for all causes of homosexuality. We just want to provide you
an overview of what would cause homosexuality in a person.
presupposes that homosexual feelings are strictly a choice. The other maintains that
homosexuality is an inborn condition that is unchangeable.
Bridge of Hope takes a position different from both stances. First, feelings come from deep
within us and they are not a conscious choice. Secondly, research does not substantiate that
a child is genetically "stamped" homosexual/gay at birth. Our experience has shown that
different things cause homosexuality for different people. Our position is that homosexuality is
a developmental issue, and our fallen state has sabotaged God's designed process by which
boys and girls gain their gender identity and become aware of their masculinity and femininity.
That being said, the dynamics of human sexual development are a complex mixture of biology,
psychology and environment. Therefore, this information should not be viewed as a
generalized, blanket explanation for all causes of homosexuality. We just want to provide you
an overview of what would cause homosexuality in a person.
We believe gender identity is one of the major factors that lead to homosexuality. As defined in
the glossary, gender identity is the way a person sees himself/herself in terms of their own
gender. That is, how masculine a boy views himself to be and how feminine a girl views herself
to be.
Basically when a child is born, their first attachment is to the mother. Around 1 1/2 years of
age, children start to differentiate the difference between genders. Around 2 1/2 years of age
the male child faces a challenge since he needs to detach from the mother, and attach to the
father. We believe that this is the reason gay males greatly outnumber female lesbians.
The attachment to the father starts the male child's development of his gender identity (from
around 2 1/2 - 4 years of age). Unconsciously, the male child has many questions about being
a man. Questions like:
After the male child gets all these questions answered from his father, then around age 5 he
looks to his male peers to discover who he is in relation to them. He approaches his male
peers with the same questions, and they will be answered affirmatively by his acceptance as
"one of the boys." Male bonding with his peers continues until adolescence (around 12 years
of age).
When puberty begins, he has a strong, confident sense about who he is as a male. Only then
does he start to notice the opposite sex, that which is different from him. "We do not sexualize
what we are familiar with. We are drawn to the 'other-than-me.'"(1)
He will date and eventually marry. In accordance with God's sexual design, he remains sexually
pure until his wedding night in which he has his first sexual encounter. The sexual pleasure
experienced is associated with his wife, and they continue on to become "one flesh." We
believe this is God's design for healthy heterosexuality (see Diagram 1 below).
Usually for the male child that develops same-sex attractions, something has prevented him
from detaching from his mother and attaching to his father which results in what's called gender-
identity deficit, gender-identity confusion, or gender-identity separation. It could have been
some action or lack of action from the father. It could have been rejection by the father,
molestation by another male or early exposure to pornography. For whatever the reason, the
young male child perceived the father as not safe or welcoming. However because this need to
attach to his father is designed by God, the young boy never loses the need or desire to attach
to his father (or a father figure).
Not gaining male gender-identity from his father sabotages his ability to bond with his male
peers. Thus he never feels like "one of the boys" or like he measure up to the rest of his peer
group. When puberty begins, he is more comfortable with the opposite gender than with his
own OR he feels like he should really be a female. Thus his need for male-gender affirmation
is combined with his sex drive and becomes sexualized which leads to same-sex attractions.
When God given needs go unmet, they usually intensify or take on another form. (see Diagram
2 below)
Remember, these statements should not be viewed as a generalized, blanket explanation for all
causes of homosexuality.
Before we go further, we must address perception. Perception is everything. It is more
important how the little boy perceived what happened to him than what actually happened to
the little boy. Perception is influenced by temperament. So, as an example a more sensitive
male child may take words and actions more personally even if they weren't meant to be. Thus
usually sensitive, smart, intuitive, artistic, creative male children are more "at risk."
the glossary, gender identity is the way a person sees himself/herself in terms of their own
gender. That is, how masculine a boy views himself to be and how feminine a girl views herself
to be.
Basically when a child is born, their first attachment is to the mother. Around 1 1/2 years of
age, children start to differentiate the difference between genders. Around 2 1/2 years of age
the male child faces a challenge since he needs to detach from the mother, and attach to the
father. We believe that this is the reason gay males greatly outnumber female lesbians.
The attachment to the father starts the male child's development of his gender identity (from
around 2 1/2 - 4 years of age). Unconsciously, the male child has many questions about being
a man. Questions like:
- Who am I as a boy?
- Do I measure up?
- Do I have what it takes to be a man?
- Do you value me as a boy?
- Do I fit it?
- Am I one of the boys?
- Spending time with his son
- Showing interest in his son, especially in what the son is interested in.
- Affirming his son verbally
- Touching his son with affectionate holding and rough playing
After the male child gets all these questions answered from his father, then around age 5 he
looks to his male peers to discover who he is in relation to them. He approaches his male
peers with the same questions, and they will be answered affirmatively by his acceptance as
"one of the boys." Male bonding with his peers continues until adolescence (around 12 years
of age).
When puberty begins, he has a strong, confident sense about who he is as a male. Only then
does he start to notice the opposite sex, that which is different from him. "We do not sexualize
what we are familiar with. We are drawn to the 'other-than-me.'"(1)
He will date and eventually marry. In accordance with God's sexual design, he remains sexually
pure until his wedding night in which he has his first sexual encounter. The sexual pleasure
experienced is associated with his wife, and they continue on to become "one flesh." We
believe this is God's design for healthy heterosexuality (see Diagram 1 below).
Usually for the male child that develops same-sex attractions, something has prevented him
from detaching from his mother and attaching to his father which results in what's called gender-
identity deficit, gender-identity confusion, or gender-identity separation. It could have been
some action or lack of action from the father. It could have been rejection by the father,
molestation by another male or early exposure to pornography. For whatever the reason, the
young male child perceived the father as not safe or welcoming. However because this need to
attach to his father is designed by God, the young boy never loses the need or desire to attach
to his father (or a father figure).
Not gaining male gender-identity from his father sabotages his ability to bond with his male
peers. Thus he never feels like "one of the boys" or like he measure up to the rest of his peer
group. When puberty begins, he is more comfortable with the opposite gender than with his
own OR he feels like he should really be a female. Thus his need for male-gender affirmation
is combined with his sex drive and becomes sexualized which leads to same-sex attractions.
When God given needs go unmet, they usually intensify or take on another form. (see Diagram
2 below)
Remember, these statements should not be viewed as a generalized, blanket explanation for all
causes of homosexuality.
Before we go further, we must address perception. Perception is everything. It is more
important how the little boy perceived what happened to him than what actually happened to
the little boy. Perception is influenced by temperament. So, as an example a more sensitive
male child may take words and actions more personally even if they weren't meant to be. Thus
usually sensitive, smart, intuitive, artistic, creative male children are more "at risk."
Similar to a little boy, a little girl goes through the same developmental stages and must
develop a healthy image of herself as a female and how she fits in with other females. The girl
must hear affirming words from her father that value her as a female. However, different from
a little boy, the little girl's development does not require her to detach from the mother and
attach to the father.
If she doesn't connect with her own gender, then she usually ends up being labeled a "tom
boy," and spends most of her developmental years with the boys which can lead to lesbianism
as she enters puberty.
Also, a young girl can be more feminine, but could have experienced a break in the bonding
with her mother very early in her development (maybe even infancy). For example,
hospitalization of the mother or girl, the mother suffered with depression, baby girl shipped off
to live with relatives, etc. This creates a void in the little girl, and lesbianism becomes a
search for motherly love.
Thirdly, a girl could have been hurt by males in the form of verbal, physical or sexual abuse,
or have witnessed her mother being abused by the father. This causes fear in the little girl,
and lesbianism becomes a form of protection.
There are a number of things that can contribute to lesbianism. These are the three most
common causes of lesbian. And as we have said before, these statements should not be
viewed as a generalized, blanket explanation for all causes of homosexuality.
develop a healthy image of herself as a female and how she fits in with other females. The girl
must hear affirming words from her father that value her as a female. However, different from
a little boy, the little girl's development does not require her to detach from the mother and
attach to the father.
If she doesn't connect with her own gender, then she usually ends up being labeled a "tom
boy," and spends most of her developmental years with the boys which can lead to lesbianism
as she enters puberty.
Also, a young girl can be more feminine, but could have experienced a break in the bonding
with her mother very early in her development (maybe even infancy). For example,
hospitalization of the mother or girl, the mother suffered with depression, baby girl shipped off
to live with relatives, etc. This creates a void in the little girl, and lesbianism becomes a
search for motherly love.
Thirdly, a girl could have been hurt by males in the form of verbal, physical or sexual abuse,
or have witnessed her mother being abused by the father. This causes fear in the little girl,
and lesbianism becomes a form of protection.
There are a number of things that can contribute to lesbianism. These are the three most
common causes of lesbian. And as we have said before, these statements should not be
viewed as a generalized, blanket explanation for all causes of homosexuality.
Although every individual is different, certain characteristics are common among homosexual
men and women. These characteristics are typical of the gender-identity separation condition
prevalent in homosexuality. Gender-identity separation is when a person detaches
himself/herself from their birth gender and thinks of themselves in terms of the opposite
gender.
Recognizing these characteristics within your own personality can help you start to make the
necessary changes that can greatly help your transformation and affirm you within your birth
gender. Also, knowing these characteristics can help those who seek to understand and help
men and women desiring to change their homosexuality.
men and women. These characteristics are typical of the gender-identity separation condition
prevalent in homosexuality. Gender-identity separation is when a person detaches
himself/herself from their birth gender and thinks of themselves in terms of the opposite
gender.
Recognizing these characteristics within your own personality can help you start to make the
necessary changes that can greatly help your transformation and affirm you within your birth
gender. Also, knowing these characteristics can help those who seek to understand and help
men and women desiring to change their homosexuality.
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Lesbianism breaks down even further into variations:
- Same-Sex Experimentation: women who have "dabbled" in same-sex experience(s) but
have not embraced homosexuality as an identity. - Emotional Enmeshment: women who would never act out sexually, but have relied on
another woman to gain an identity and a sense of well-being. - Generation Y: younger women who think that bisexuality is "cool" or in vogue.
- "Classic" Lesbianism: women who strive to fulfill emotional needs and sexual desires
through other women; they embrace a lesbian identity. Entering into lesbianism and
the lesbian culture brings a sense of freedom, relief, pleasure, power, sisterhood and a
level of intimacy.