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The ABCs of Homosexuality
Page 2 of 2
The contents of this page
Other pages on this website provide books and articles for reading,
personal testimonies to encourage you that change is possible, and
related links so that you can do your own "study to show yourself
approved" and understand homosexuality from a redemptive
standpoint.
Contact us by email. We offer support for men, women,
parents, family, friends, spouses, and youth.
Other pages on this website provide books and articles for reading,
personal testimonies to encourage you that change is possible, and
related links so that you can do your own "study to show yourself
approved" and understand homosexuality from a redemptive
standpoint.
Contact us by email. We offer support for men, women,
parents, family, friends, spouses, and youth.
"What's wrong with two men or two women loving each other?" This is a question that many
gays and lesbians use to defend their stance on homosexuality. Actually, there is nothing
wrong with two men or two women loving each other. Same gender love can be seen
throughout the bible, specifically between David & Jonathan, and Naomi & Ruth.
But let's take a closer look at love before we use it to justify homosexual relationships.
Without going into the Greek, there are four basic kinds of love:
Same gender love is permissible with 3 of the 4 loves. A man can love a man and a woman
can love a woman with Godly love, Family love and Friendship love. However, God
established some boundaries and limitations when it comes to Romantic love. Romantic
love was designed by God specifically for a man and a woman who are drawn together,
committed to one another in a marriage covenant, and continue in that covenant to become
"one flesh." After the marriage commitment, Romantic Love allows the husband and wife to
express their love physically through sexual intercourse.
The love between David & Jonathan and Naomi & Ruth was NOT Romantic Love. Their
loyalty and devotion as friends did not include having sex. The need for solid same gender
relationships are God-given; "Oh how good and pleasant" they are. However, with the
onslaught of homosexual characters in practically every movie and television sitcom, people,
especially men, are apprehensive about "close" same gender relationships for fear that they
will be viewed as homosexuals.
As Christians, the true look of love has not and cannot change. We know "Love is never
tired of waiting; love is kind; love has no envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no
pride; Love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for itself; it is not quickly made angry, it
takes no account of evil; It takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, but has joy in what is true;"
gays and lesbians use to defend their stance on homosexuality. Actually, there is nothing
wrong with two men or two women loving each other. Same gender love can be seen
throughout the bible, specifically between David & Jonathan, and Naomi & Ruth.
But let's take a closer look at love before we use it to justify homosexual relationships.
Without going into the Greek, there are four basic kinds of love:
- Godly Love – a sacrificial love to reconcile the fallen world to God.
- Family Love – the love between blood or adopted relatives
- Romantic Love – the love that draws a man and woman together to become husband
and wife.
Same gender love is permissible with 3 of the 4 loves. A man can love a man and a woman
can love a woman with Godly love, Family love and Friendship love. However, God
established some boundaries and limitations when it comes to Romantic love. Romantic
love was designed by God specifically for a man and a woman who are drawn together,
committed to one another in a marriage covenant, and continue in that covenant to become
"one flesh." After the marriage commitment, Romantic Love allows the husband and wife to
express their love physically through sexual intercourse.
The love between David & Jonathan and Naomi & Ruth was NOT Romantic Love. Their
loyalty and devotion as friends did not include having sex. The need for solid same gender
relationships are God-given; "Oh how good and pleasant" they are. However, with the
onslaught of homosexual characters in practically every movie and television sitcom, people,
especially men, are apprehensive about "close" same gender relationships for fear that they
will be viewed as homosexuals.
As Christians, the true look of love has not and cannot change. We know "Love is never
tired of waiting; love is kind; love has no envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no
pride; Love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for itself; it is not quickly made angry, it
takes no account of evil; It takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, but has joy in what is true;"
After the shock of hearing that your son, daughter or spouse
deals same-sex attractions and/or homosexual behavior, you
feel like you've been hit by a bombshell. Especially in
Christian homes, your emotions are overwhelmed with a
mixture of grief, confusion, and even blame. Suddenly life
seems out of control and you're left wondering, "What do I do
now?"
You want to take control of the situation and "fix" them, but
you cannot force them to do what you would want or even
what God would desire for them.
As you face this life-crippling situation, it is important to
remember that your son, daughter or spouse has been
dealing with this for years.
deals same-sex attractions and/or homosexual behavior, you
feel like you've been hit by a bombshell. Especially in
Christian homes, your emotions are overwhelmed with a
mixture of grief, confusion, and even blame. Suddenly life
seems out of control and you're left wondering, "What do I do
now?"
You want to take control of the situation and "fix" them, but
you cannot force them to do what you would want or even
what God would desire for them.
As you face this life-crippling situation, it is important to
remember that your son, daughter or spouse has been
dealing with this for years.
Guilt and grief are often two huge issues that accompany this situation. Questions like,
"Where did I go wrong?" or getting stuck in the "If Only..." syndrome start to haunt you, and
can be tough to overcome. Obsessing over the past will not change anything. The best
approach is to move forward in God and with God.
First, give yourself time to work through the grief which is the most common emotional
reaction. The grief cycle's four phases are:
way again. So, in that sense, the way you look at this person is changed forever. That is a
loss of great magnitude which is one reason why grief is such an enormous issue.
There are some steps that you can take to help you work through the grief and other
emotions so that you can start moving forward in God.
"Where did I go wrong?" or getting stuck in the "If Only..." syndrome start to haunt you, and
can be tough to overcome. Obsessing over the past will not change anything. The best
approach is to move forward in God and with God.
First, give yourself time to work through the grief which is the most common emotional
reaction. The grief cycle's four phases are:
- Shock - emotional release, numbness, physical symptoms, denial
- Protest - sorrow, anger, panic, searching
- Disorganization - yearning, isolation, loss of interest in life, depression, resistance to
normalcy - Reorganization - facing reality, find new meaning to life, new sense of hope, decrease
of sadness, learning to "let go," accepting responsibility.
way again. So, in that sense, the way you look at this person is changed forever. That is a
loss of great magnitude which is one reason why grief is such an enormous issue.
There are some steps that you can take to help you work through the grief and other
emotions so that you can start moving forward in God.
- Get on your knees - Pray, Pray, Pray; pray for yourself and for your loved one.
- Get informed - read and learn reliable information concerning homosexuality
- Get connected - focus on your own spiritual growth by staying connected with Christ
- Get support - seek support from other Christians who are walking the same road
- Get honest - accept responsibility for any mistakes you might have made in the past
without sulking under a "shadow of blame." - Get involved - offer support to others who are traveling the same road you've already
traveled.
As you recover from the initial shock, gain the information you need to understand the
complicated issues surrounding homosexuality, and reinforce your personal support system,
you will still need to interact with your child. Here are a list of Do's and Don'ts for Parents (2)
Do's:
Don'ts:
complicated issues surrounding homosexuality, and reinforce your personal support system,
you will still need to interact with your child. Here are a list of Do's and Don'ts for Parents (2)
Do's:
- Love your child with all your heart at all times.
- Tell your child of your love for him/her.
- Pray for your child often.
- Agree with him/her as often as possible
- Pray for his/her friends to be saved and safe.
- See him/her as often as possible.
- Be in as much of his/her life as your child will allow you to be.
- Expect God's standards to be upheld by your child in your home.
- TRUST GOD!!
Don'ts:
- Do not argue about homosexuality with your child, (s)he is an adult and has a right to
his/her opinion. - Do not enable your child's homosexuality by supporting him/her financially in that
lifestyle. - Do not bring up the subject of homosexuality with your child everytime you see him/her.
- Do not criticize your child's friends, attire, living conditions, recreations etc.
- Do not allow your child to practice sexual acts in your home.
- Do not feel guilty.
- Do not get "Fed Up" and turn your back on your child.
- Do not discuss your child's sexuality with others behind his back.
- Do not be afraid! – "Casting the whole of your care (all your anxieties, all your worries,
all your concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares for you, affectionately, and
cares about you watchfully" I Peter 5:7
Maybe your teenage child hasn't admitted their same-sex attractions to
you, but you have your suspicions. Even though they haven't talked
with you, there is the chance that they have sought help from a
representative of the gay community to help them sort out their feelings.
Another helpful resource is an article, "Warning signs Teenagers who
are in danger of being indoctrinated into homosexuality" (2) Click on
the "Watch Out" image to the right to view the article.
you, but you have your suspicions. Even though they haven't talked
with you, there is the chance that they have sought help from a
representative of the gay community to help them sort out their feelings.
Another helpful resource is an article, "Warning signs Teenagers who
are in danger of being indoctrinated into homosexuality" (2) Click on
the "Watch Out" image to the right to view the article.
To keep you encouraged and moving forward, Exodus Youth,
a ministry of Exodus International, has developed a great
resource page that will assist you on your search for
understanding. If we can serve you in any way, please don't
hesitate to contact us by email.
HOPE! Never underestimate its power and NEVER give up
hope.
a ministry of Exodus International, has developed a great
resource page that will assist you on your search for
understanding. If we can serve you in any way, please don't
hesitate to contact us by email.
HOPE! Never underestimate its power and NEVER give up
hope.
It is a heartbreaking scenario when homosexuality invades a marriage. Whether you've just
found out that your spouse is gay, or your spouse has deserted the marriage for a
homosexual relationship, either way the heartache is enormous.
It is important to keep in mind, that most often, your spouse's homosexual issue pre-dated
your marriage. Furthermore, homosexuality almost always begins in a person's childhood,
even if it doesn't manifest until adulthood.
You might be asking yourself, "Why do gays marry?" An increasing number of unsuspecting
spouses are finding themselves in covenant relationship with a homosexually-inclined
individual. In the secular book, "The Other Side of the Closet", Dr. Amity Buxton says that
numerous studies reveal that about 20% of gay men and up to 35% of lesbians enter into
heterosexual marriage.(3)
Reasons vary from hopes that their same-sex attractions will disappear to desire for social
acceptance and approval. Unfortunately, the stress of marriage can intensify their same-sex
longings, and then these hidden problems rise to the surface. In today's gay-affirming
culture, they are encouraged to disregard their marriage vows and do what feels "right" at
the expense of hurting others. No matter the reasons, the trusting spouse left behind to pick
up the pieces is not at fault, and is usually an innocent bystander.
It is impossible for Bridge of Hope to give you answers to all of the questions that you might
have. However, here are some potential issues that you might be facing for which prayer is
paramount:
As suggested for the parents, getting proper support is key. Family, friends, pastor and a
support group can all play their respective roles in helping you to get your life back on track.
Now is not the time to question your faith. Let this unexpected circumstance drive you closer
to Jesus Christ. Take each day one at a time, and know that you're going to make it.
found out that your spouse is gay, or your spouse has deserted the marriage for a
homosexual relationship, either way the heartache is enormous.
It is important to keep in mind, that most often, your spouse's homosexual issue pre-dated
your marriage. Furthermore, homosexuality almost always begins in a person's childhood,
even if it doesn't manifest until adulthood.
You might be asking yourself, "Why do gays marry?" An increasing number of unsuspecting
spouses are finding themselves in covenant relationship with a homosexually-inclined
individual. In the secular book, "The Other Side of the Closet", Dr. Amity Buxton says that
numerous studies reveal that about 20% of gay men and up to 35% of lesbians enter into
heterosexual marriage.(3)
Reasons vary from hopes that their same-sex attractions will disappear to desire for social
acceptance and approval. Unfortunately, the stress of marriage can intensify their same-sex
longings, and then these hidden problems rise to the surface. In today's gay-affirming
culture, they are encouraged to disregard their marriage vows and do what feels "right" at
the expense of hurting others. No matter the reasons, the trusting spouse left behind to pick
up the pieces is not at fault, and is usually an innocent bystander.
It is impossible for Bridge of Hope to give you answers to all of the questions that you might
have. However, here are some potential issues that you might be facing for which prayer is
paramount:
- Fear - fear of losing income, home or security; fear of being alone; fear of humiliation.
- Self-image - you might think your appearance, behaviors or personality traits are
somehow to blame. - Intimacy - if you plan to work through this; gut-level discussions about feelings,
rebuilding trust and sexual fulfillment will need to take place. - Children - what, when and how much to tell them about the homosexual parent; visiting
rights in a separation or divorce. - Health - you and your spouse might need to be tested for HIV.
- Maintenance -reconciliation, separation (as a step toward reconciliation) or divorce.
Separation and/or divorce might need to be considered if the homosexual spouse:
- is spending major unaccounted time away from the family
- appears to have given up trying to biblically resolve their homosexual issue
- shows a constant disregard for their partner's sexual health
- blames their spouse for all problems occurring in the marriage
- is exhibiting a pattern of habitual deception
As suggested for the parents, getting proper support is key. Family, friends, pastor and a
support group can all play their respective roles in helping you to get your life back on track.
Now is not the time to question your faith. Let this unexpected circumstance drive you closer
to Jesus Christ. Take each day one at a time, and know that you're going to make it.
Before you accept the gay label or identity, make sure you have reviewed ALL of your
options. There are thousands of men and women who have overcome their homosexual
attractions. Many have gone on to marry, have children and lead very heterosexual lives.
Before you make a decision, find out some answers to your burning questions (click on the
images below):
options. There are thousands of men and women who have overcome their homosexual
attractions. Many have gone on to marry, have children and lead very heterosexual lives.
Before you make a decision, find out some answers to your burning questions (click on the
images below):
There are many resources for you to search out all your options. You can start by checking
out our FAQs and Related Links web pages. Also, the Exodus Youth website is an excellent
resource for you to start your search from the "change is possible" side of the homosexual
issue. Finally, use the link below to view Chad Thompson's streaming video testimony which
we hope will provide you encouragement. Email us if you need someone to talk to.
out our FAQs and Related Links web pages. Also, the Exodus Youth website is an excellent
resource for you to start your search from the "change is possible" side of the homosexual
issue. Finally, use the link below to view Chad Thompson's streaming video testimony which
we hope will provide you encouragement. Email us if you need someone to talk to.
There are thousands of men and women who have proven with their own lives that change
is real. They can be divided into 3 categories:
Having realistic expectations is key to the change process. What are you expecting and
what does healing look like to you? Are you expecting that your sexual lust for the same
gender will change to sexual lust for the opposite gender? God does not work that way.
God will change you into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. That means that His goal is to
change you into a man or woman of God. What will God require of you? "...to do justly, and
to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God" God wants you to "...seek ye first the
kingdom of God, and his RIGHTEOUSNESS..." God is not just interested in your sexuality,
but also your character which includes your thoughts, words, actions and attitudes.
Jesus Christ was a healthy, heterosexual man, yet he never had sex nor got married. He
didn't sexually lust after women, but surely He appreciated their beauty, grace and
femininity. He was secure in who He was, and mature in His dealings. So likewise, set your
sights on becoming a secure, mature Christian like Christ. The tables below give you
practical applications that you can immediately start implementing into your life.
is real. They can be divided into 3 categories:
- Some people fully overcome their homosexual behaviors. That means, they find
same-sex attractions rarely bothersome and have noticed the gradual emergence of
heterosexual feelings. - On the other hand, some have gained personal insight and understanding, but
continue to be attracted to others of their same gender and to battle homosexual
behaviors.
Having realistic expectations is key to the change process. What are you expecting and
what does healing look like to you? Are you expecting that your sexual lust for the same
gender will change to sexual lust for the opposite gender? God does not work that way.
God will change you into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. That means that His goal is to
change you into a man or woman of God. What will God require of you? "...to do justly, and
to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God" God wants you to "...seek ye first the
kingdom of God, and his RIGHTEOUSNESS..." God is not just interested in your sexuality,
but also your character which includes your thoughts, words, actions and attitudes.
Jesus Christ was a healthy, heterosexual man, yet he never had sex nor got married. He
didn't sexually lust after women, but surely He appreciated their beauty, grace and
femininity. He was secure in who He was, and mature in His dealings. So likewise, set your
sights on becoming a secure, mature Christian like Christ. The tables below give you
practical applications that you can immediately start implementing into your life.
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Being transformed into a man or woman of God is a life-long process. Though it is easier
said than done, the best approach to change is to stop being so consumed with your
homosexuality. You are probably hoping for a "quick fix," but in reality the transition is a
demanding, long-term process. The transition is difficult because you are dealing with
complex issues, a tenacious mind set, fragile emotions, and entrenched behaviors.
The process is better thought of as a spiral rather than a straight line (no pun intended).
Tough issues such as molestation or incest, might have to be visited and revisited.
Sometimes your issues will be too difficult to face, so you will back away for a time, regain
strength, and move forward again. Bursts of progress, intermittent plateaus, and occasional
reverses can all be a part of the process.
Joe Dallas, in his book Desires in Conflict (1991), lays out a process that is typical of the
progression of change:
Don't even think about trying to do this all alone. Even though shame, guilt and fear are
dominating your actions, you MUST reach out for support. That doesn't mean that you have
to tell everyone what you're dealing with, but you will have to tell someone. Telling someone
involves honestly acknowledging and confessing the issue(s) that you're dealing with along
with a Godly sorrow for those that you have hurt.
No single resource can address all your issues, so make use of all the following when
needed:
Finally, recognize that God has the power to transform any and all undesired behavior,
sexual or otherwise. That is what the saving power of confessing and believing in Jesus
Christ is all about. There will be many that tell you that you cannot successfully accomplish
change. YOU must decide whose report you'll believe. Stay motivated and focused on your
goal (security & maturity).
If you're dealing with unwanted homosexuality, then we hope that this information has
provided you some insight into this complex issue. For others, we hope that your heart is
now more compassionate with respect to this issue.
Bridge of Hope is here if you need us. Don't hesitate to contact us and remember:
HOPE! Never underestimate its power. So, Let the Journey Begin!
said than done, the best approach to change is to stop being so consumed with your
homosexuality. You are probably hoping for a "quick fix," but in reality the transition is a
demanding, long-term process. The transition is difficult because you are dealing with
complex issues, a tenacious mind set, fragile emotions, and entrenched behaviors.
The process is better thought of as a spiral rather than a straight line (no pun intended).
Tough issues such as molestation or incest, might have to be visited and revisited.
Sometimes your issues will be too difficult to face, so you will back away for a time, regain
strength, and move forward again. Bursts of progress, intermittent plateaus, and occasional
reverses can all be a part of the process.
Joe Dallas, in his book Desires in Conflict (1991), lays out a process that is typical of the
progression of change:
- Homosexual behavior ceases
- Needs that have been satisfied through homosexuality are heightened and identified
- Nonsexual intimacy begins to satisfy identified needs
- Self-perception and how you perceive others change
- Sexualized emotional responses to old perceptions change
Don't even think about trying to do this all alone. Even though shame, guilt and fear are
dominating your actions, you MUST reach out for support. That doesn't mean that you have
to tell everyone what you're dealing with, but you will have to tell someone. Telling someone
involves honestly acknowledging and confessing the issue(s) that you're dealing with along
with a Godly sorrow for those that you have hurt.
No single resource can address all your issues, so make use of all the following when
needed:
- Faith and prayer
- Supportive family and friends
- Pastor, youth leader and church family
- Professional counseling
- Support groups
Finally, recognize that God has the power to transform any and all undesired behavior,
sexual or otherwise. That is what the saving power of confessing and believing in Jesus
Christ is all about. There will be many that tell you that you cannot successfully accomplish
change. YOU must decide whose report you'll believe. Stay motivated and focused on your
goal (security & maturity).
If you're dealing with unwanted homosexuality, then we hope that this information has
provided you some insight into this complex issue. For others, we hope that your heart is
now more compassionate with respect to this issue.
Bridge of Hope is here if you need us. Don't hesitate to contact us and remember:
HOPE! Never underestimate its power. So, Let the Journey Begin!
Endnotes:
(1) Joseph Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality A New Clinical Approach, (Northvale, NJ, Jason Aronson, Inc. 1997. p. 59
(2) Used by permission from Nancy K. Brown and LifeGuard Ministries
(3) Bob Davies, When a Loved One says, "I'm Gay." (Love Won Out Series, Focus on the Family, 2002), p. 21
(1) Joseph Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality A New Clinical Approach, (Northvale, NJ, Jason Aronson, Inc. 1997. p. 59
(2) Used by permission from Nancy K. Brown and LifeGuard Ministries
(3) Bob Davies, When a Loved One says, "I'm Gay." (Love Won Out Series, Focus on the Family, 2002), p. 21
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