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| Hope! |
| Bridge of Hope wants to help you understand (or rethink) the issue of homosexuality from a personal perspective, and encourage you to reach out with compassion and understanding to those struggling |
On this page:
* What is
homosexuality?
* The key components
of Homosexuality
* What causes
homosexuality?
* Introduction
* Male Gender-Identity
Development
* Female
Gender-Identity
Development
* What is
homosexuality?
* The key components
of Homosexuality
* What causes
homosexuality?
* Introduction
* Male Gender-Identity
Development
* Female
Gender-Identity
Development
For those who deal with unwanted homosexuality, it looms over you like an ominous
cloud. You just don't know where to start tackling what seems to be a life-controlling
problem.
The first step is to define the issue. So what exactly is homosexuality? Let's define it!
* A homosexual is a person who has ON-GOING erotic and romantic desire for, and sexual involvement with
their same gender.
* Homosexuality is the condition where one’s EXCLUSIVE or PRIMARY sexual and/or romantic attractions are
toward people of the same gender, rather than people of the opposite gender.
* These are powerful feelings of sexual and/or emotional attraction that one has for the same gender.
* One dealing with homosexuality possesses a history of LONG-STANDING homosexual feelings with little to
no heterosexual attraction.
* To be GAY is more of a social and political statement, in which a homosexual person embraces a lifestyle
and identity that is supportive of homosexuality.
cloud. You just don't know where to start tackling what seems to be a life-controlling
problem.
The first step is to define the issue. So what exactly is homosexuality? Let's define it!
* A homosexual is a person who has ON-GOING erotic and romantic desire for, and sexual involvement with
their same gender.
* Homosexuality is the condition where one’s EXCLUSIVE or PRIMARY sexual and/or romantic attractions are
toward people of the same gender, rather than people of the opposite gender.
* These are powerful feelings of sexual and/or emotional attraction that one has for the same gender.
* One dealing with homosexuality possesses a history of LONG-STANDING homosexual feelings with little to
no heterosexual attraction.
* To be GAY is more of a social and political statement, in which a homosexual person embraces a lifestyle
and identity that is supportive of homosexuality.
The Key Components of Homosexuality
The next step is to determine the key components of the problem. Based on the
experience and testimonies of the thousands of men and women who have overcome
homosexuality, the three key areas are sexual behavior, sexual identity
Now, that ominous, looming cloud has been defined and broken into manageable pieces. Instead of
homosexuality being genetically "stamped" at birth, experience shows that sexual attraction is greatly
influenced by sexual identity (or gender identity) and sexual behavior.
* Sexual Identity (or gender identity) – Am I comfortable with my level of manhood/womanhood? Do I feel like
I measure up in terms of my gender? Am I accepted by other members of my own gender?
* Sexual Behavior involves:
* Sexual acts with the same gender
* Fantasy
* Masturbation
* Sexual Attraction – Is not the sexual lust for the opposite sex, but the appreciation for and interest in the
opposite sex as someone different. It also includes romantic feelings and the desires to marry and become
one with a member of the opposite sex.
As depicted in the diagram below, experience has shown your sexual attraction is fluid and thus
can be changed/influenced by solidifying your gender identity and controlling your sexual
behavior.
The next step is to determine the key components of the problem. Based on the
experience and testimonies of the thousands of men and women who have overcome
homosexuality, the three key areas are sexual behavior, sexual identity
Now, that ominous, looming cloud has been defined and broken into manageable pieces. Instead of
homosexuality being genetically "stamped" at birth, experience shows that sexual attraction is greatly
influenced by sexual identity (or gender identity) and sexual behavior.
* Sexual Identity (or gender identity) – Am I comfortable with my level of manhood/womanhood? Do I feel like
I measure up in terms of my gender? Am I accepted by other members of my own gender?
* Sexual Behavior involves:
* Sexual acts with the same gender
* Fantasy
* Masturbation
* Sexual Attraction – Is not the sexual lust for the opposite sex, but the appreciation for and interest in the
opposite sex as someone different. It also includes romantic feelings and the desires to marry and become
one with a member of the opposite sex.
As depicted in the diagram below, experience has shown your sexual attraction is fluid and thus
can be changed/influenced by solidifying your gender identity and controlling your sexual
behavior.
What causes Homosexuality?
Introduction
Basically there are two schools of thought on what causes homosexuality. The first presupposes that homosexual feelings are
strictly a choice. The other maintains that homosexuality is an inborn condition that is unchangeable.
Bridge of Hope takes a position different from both stances. First, feelings come from deep within us and they are not a conscious
choice. Secondly, research does not substantiate that a child is genetically "stamped" homosexual/gay at birth. Our experience
has shown that different things cause homosexuality for different people. Our position is that homosexuality is a developmental
issue, and our fallen state has sabotaged God's designed process by which boys and girls gain their gender identity and become
aware of their masculinity and femininity.
That being said, the dynamics of human sexual development are a complex mixture of biology, psychology and environment.
Therefore, this information should not be viewed as a generalized, blanket explanation for all causes of homosexuality. We just
want to provide you an overview of what would cause homosexuality in a person.
Male Gender-Identity Development
We believe gender identity is one of the major factors that lead to homosexuality. As defined in the glossary, gender identity is the
way a person sees himself/herself in terms of their own gender. That is, how masculine a boy views himself to be and how feminine
a girl views herself to be.
Basically when a child is born, their first attachment is to the mother. Around 1 1/2 years of age, children start to differentiate the
difference between genders. Around 2 1/2 years of age the male child faces a challenge since he needs to detach from the mother,
and attach to the father. We believe that this is the reason gay males greatly outnumber female lesbians.
The attachment to the father starts the male child's development of his gender identity (from around 2 1/2 - 4 years of age).
Unconsciously, the male child has many questions about being a man. Questions like:
* Who am I as a boy?
* Do I measure up?
* Do I have what it takes to be a man?
* Do you value me as a boy?
* Do I fit it?
* Am I one of the boys?
The father will answer all these questions by:
* Spending time with his son
* Showing interest in his son, especially in what the son is interested in.
* Touching his son with affectionate holding and rough playing
After the male child gets all these questions answered from his father, then around age 5 he looks to his male peers to discover
who he is in relation to them. He approaches his male peers with the same questions, and they will be answered affirmatively by his
acceptance as "one of the boys." Male bonding with his peers continues until adolescence (around 12 years of age).
When puberty begins, he has a strong, confident sense about who he is as a male. Only then does he start to notice the opposite
sex, that which is different from him. "We do not sexualize what we are familiar with. We are drawn to the 'other-than-me.'"(1)
He will date and eventually marry. In accordance with God's sexual design, he remains sexually pure until his wedding night in
which he has his first sexual encounter. The sexual pleasure experienced is associated with his wife, and they continue on to
become "one flesh." We believe this is God's design for healthy heterosexuality (see Diagram 1 below).
Usually for the male child that develops same-sex attractions, something has prevented him from detaching from his mother and
attaching to his father which results in what's called gender- identity deficit, gender-identity confusion, or gender-identity separation.
It could have been some action or lack of action from the father. It could have been rejection by the father, molestation by another
male or early exposure to pornography. For whatever the reason, the young male child perceived the father as not safe or
welcoming. However because this need to attach to his father is designed by God, the young boy never loses the need or desire to
attach to his father (or a father figure).
Not gaining male gender-identity from his father sabotages his ability to bond with his male peers. Thus he never feels like "one of
the boys" or like he measure up to the rest of his peer group. When puberty begins, he is more comfortable with the opposite
gender than with his own OR he feels like he should really be a female. Thus his need for male-gender affirmation is combined with
his sex drive and becomes sexualized which leads to same-sex attractions. When God given needs go unmet, they usually intensify
or take on another form. (see Diagram 2 below)
Remember, these statements should not be viewed as a generalized, blanket explanation for all causes of homosexuality.
Before we go further, we must address perception. Perception is everything. It is more important how the little boy perceived what
happened to him than what actually happened to the little boy. Perception is influenced by temperament. So, as an example a more
sensitive male child may take words and actions more personally even if they weren't meant to be. Thus usually sensitive, smart,
intuitive, artistic, creative male children are more "at risk."
Introduction
Basically there are two schools of thought on what causes homosexuality. The first presupposes that homosexual feelings are
strictly a choice. The other maintains that homosexuality is an inborn condition that is unchangeable.
Bridge of Hope takes a position different from both stances. First, feelings come from deep within us and they are not a conscious
choice. Secondly, research does not substantiate that a child is genetically "stamped" homosexual/gay at birth. Our experience
has shown that different things cause homosexuality for different people. Our position is that homosexuality is a developmental
issue, and our fallen state has sabotaged God's designed process by which boys and girls gain their gender identity and become
aware of their masculinity and femininity.
That being said, the dynamics of human sexual development are a complex mixture of biology, psychology and environment.
Therefore, this information should not be viewed as a generalized, blanket explanation for all causes of homosexuality. We just
want to provide you an overview of what would cause homosexuality in a person.
Male Gender-Identity Development
We believe gender identity is one of the major factors that lead to homosexuality. As defined in the glossary, gender identity is the
way a person sees himself/herself in terms of their own gender. That is, how masculine a boy views himself to be and how feminine
a girl views herself to be.
Basically when a child is born, their first attachment is to the mother. Around 1 1/2 years of age, children start to differentiate the
difference between genders. Around 2 1/2 years of age the male child faces a challenge since he needs to detach from the mother,
and attach to the father. We believe that this is the reason gay males greatly outnumber female lesbians.
The attachment to the father starts the male child's development of his gender identity (from around 2 1/2 - 4 years of age).
Unconsciously, the male child has many questions about being a man. Questions like:
* Who am I as a boy?
* Do I measure up?
* Do I have what it takes to be a man?
* Do you value me as a boy?
* Do I fit it?
* Am I one of the boys?
The father will answer all these questions by:
* Spending time with his son
* Showing interest in his son, especially in what the son is interested in.
* Touching his son with affectionate holding and rough playing
After the male child gets all these questions answered from his father, then around age 5 he looks to his male peers to discover
who he is in relation to them. He approaches his male peers with the same questions, and they will be answered affirmatively by his
acceptance as "one of the boys." Male bonding with his peers continues until adolescence (around 12 years of age).
When puberty begins, he has a strong, confident sense about who he is as a male. Only then does he start to notice the opposite
sex, that which is different from him. "We do not sexualize what we are familiar with. We are drawn to the 'other-than-me.'"(1)
He will date and eventually marry. In accordance with God's sexual design, he remains sexually pure until his wedding night in
which he has his first sexual encounter. The sexual pleasure experienced is associated with his wife, and they continue on to
become "one flesh." We believe this is God's design for healthy heterosexuality (see Diagram 1 below).
Usually for the male child that develops same-sex attractions, something has prevented him from detaching from his mother and
attaching to his father which results in what's called gender- identity deficit, gender-identity confusion, or gender-identity separation.
It could have been some action or lack of action from the father. It could have been rejection by the father, molestation by another
male or early exposure to pornography. For whatever the reason, the young male child perceived the father as not safe or
welcoming. However because this need to attach to his father is designed by God, the young boy never loses the need or desire to
attach to his father (or a father figure).
Not gaining male gender-identity from his father sabotages his ability to bond with his male peers. Thus he never feels like "one of
the boys" or like he measure up to the rest of his peer group. When puberty begins, he is more comfortable with the opposite
gender than with his own OR he feels like he should really be a female. Thus his need for male-gender affirmation is combined with
his sex drive and becomes sexualized which leads to same-sex attractions. When God given needs go unmet, they usually intensify
or take on another form. (see Diagram 2 below)
Remember, these statements should not be viewed as a generalized, blanket explanation for all causes of homosexuality.
Before we go further, we must address perception. Perception is everything. It is more important how the little boy perceived what
happened to him than what actually happened to the little boy. Perception is influenced by temperament. So, as an example a more
sensitive male child may take words and actions more personally even if they weren't meant to be. Thus usually sensitive, smart,
intuitive, artistic, creative male children are more "at risk."
Female Gender-Identity Development
Similar to a little boy, a little girl goes through the same developmental stages and must develop a healthy image of herself as a
female and how she fits in with other females. The girl must hear affirming words from her father that value her as a female.
However, different from a little boy, the little girl's development does not require her to detach from the mother and attach to the
father.
If she doesn't connect with her own gender, then she usually ends up being labeled a "tomboy," and spends most of her
developmental years with the boys which can lead to lesbianism as she enters puberty.
Also, a young girl can be more feminine, but could have experienced a break in the bonding with her mother very early in her
development (maybe even infancy). For example, hospitalization of the mother or girl, the mother suffered with depression, baby girl
shipped off to live with relatives, etc. This creates a void in the little girl, and lesbianism becomes a search for motherly love.
Thirdly, a girl could have been hurt by males in the form of verbal, physical or sexual abuse, or have witnessed her mother being
abused by the father. This causes fear in the little girl, and lesbianism becomes a form of protection.
There are a number of things that can contribute to lesbianism. These are the three most common causes of lesbian. And as we
have said before, these statements should not be viewed as a generalized, blanket explanation for all causes of homosexuality.
Similar to a little boy, a little girl goes through the same developmental stages and must develop a healthy image of herself as a
female and how she fits in with other females. The girl must hear affirming words from her father that value her as a female.
However, different from a little boy, the little girl's development does not require her to detach from the mother and attach to the
father.
If she doesn't connect with her own gender, then she usually ends up being labeled a "tomboy," and spends most of her
developmental years with the boys which can lead to lesbianism as she enters puberty.
Also, a young girl can be more feminine, but could have experienced a break in the bonding with her mother very early in her
development (maybe even infancy). For example, hospitalization of the mother or girl, the mother suffered with depression, baby girl
shipped off to live with relatives, etc. This creates a void in the little girl, and lesbianism becomes a search for motherly love.
Thirdly, a girl could have been hurt by males in the form of verbal, physical or sexual abuse, or have witnessed her mother being
abused by the father. This causes fear in the little girl, and lesbianism becomes a form of protection.
There are a number of things that can contribute to lesbianism. These are the three most common causes of lesbian. And as we
have said before, these statements should not be viewed as a generalized, blanket explanation for all causes of homosexuality.
| For more information, e-mail us at bridgeofhope@bohcolumbus.com. Briefly explain how you found out about us and how our ministry can be of assistance to you. |
| Resources on this website provide books and articles for reading, personal testimonies to encourage you that change is possible, and related links so that you can do your own "study to show yourself approved" and understand homosexuality from a redemptive standpoint. Contact us by email. We offer support for men, women, parents, family, friends, spouses, and youth. |
| ...the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose HOPE is in His unfailing love, to deliver...and keep them alive... Psalm 33:18-19 |
Endnotes:
(1) Joseph Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality A New Clinical Approach, (Northvale, NJ, Jason Aronson, Inc. 1997. p. 59
(1) Joseph Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality A New Clinical Approach, (Northvale, NJ, Jason Aronson, Inc. 1997. p. 59