On this page:
* Gender-Identity
Separation
Characteristics
* The Look of Love
* What does change
look like?
* Gender-Identity
Separation
Characteristics
* The Look of Love
* What does change
look like?
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Gender-Identity Separation Characteristics
Although every individual is different, certain characteristics are common among homosexual men and
women. These characteristics are typical of the gender-identity separation condition prevalent in
homosexuality. Gender-identity separation is when a person detaches himself/herself from their birth
gender and thinks of themselves in terms of the opposite gender.
Recognizing these characteristics within your own personality can help you start to make the necessary
changes that can greatly help your transformation and affirm you within your birth gender. Also, knowing
these characteristics can help those who seek to understand and help men and women desiring to change
their homosexuality.
Gender Characteristics
Male
* Passive/Submissive
* Uncomfortable in Masculine surroundings
* Seeks Male Affirmation
* Lack of masculine confidence
* Indecisive
* Emotionally dependent
Female
* Rejection of Femininity
* Fear or Hatred of Men
* Seeks motherly love
* Likes abusive relationships
* Emotionally dependent
Lesbianism breaks down even further into variations:
1. Same-Sex Experimentation: women who have "dabbled" in same-sex experience(s) but have not
embraced homosexuality as an identity.
2. Emotional Enmeshment: women who would never act out sexually, but have relied on another woman to
gain an identity and a sense of well-being.
3. Generation Y: younger women who think that bisexuality is "cool" or in vogue.
4. "Classic" Lesbianism: women who strive to fulfill emotional needs and sexual desires through other
women; they embrace a lesbian identity. Entering into lesbianism and the lesbian culture brings a sense of
freedom, relief, pleasure, power, sisterhood and a level of intimacy.
Although every individual is different, certain characteristics are common among homosexual men and
women. These characteristics are typical of the gender-identity separation condition prevalent in
homosexuality. Gender-identity separation is when a person detaches himself/herself from their birth
gender and thinks of themselves in terms of the opposite gender.
Recognizing these characteristics within your own personality can help you start to make the necessary
changes that can greatly help your transformation and affirm you within your birth gender. Also, knowing
these characteristics can help those who seek to understand and help men and women desiring to change
their homosexuality.
Gender Characteristics
Male
* Passive/Submissive
* Uncomfortable in Masculine surroundings
* Seeks Male Affirmation
* Lack of masculine confidence
* Indecisive
* Emotionally dependent
Female
* Rejection of Femininity
* Fear or Hatred of Men
* Seeks motherly love
* Likes abusive relationships
* Emotionally dependent
Lesbianism breaks down even further into variations:
1. Same-Sex Experimentation: women who have "dabbled" in same-sex experience(s) but have not
embraced homosexuality as an identity.
2. Emotional Enmeshment: women who would never act out sexually, but have relied on another woman to
gain an identity and a sense of well-being.
3. Generation Y: younger women who think that bisexuality is "cool" or in vogue.
4. "Classic" Lesbianism: women who strive to fulfill emotional needs and sexual desires through other
women; they embrace a lesbian identity. Entering into lesbianism and the lesbian culture brings a sense of
freedom, relief, pleasure, power, sisterhood and a level of intimacy.
The Look of Love
"What's wrong with two men or two women loving each other?" This is a question that many gays and lesbians use to defend their
stance on homosexuality. Actually, there is nothing wrong with two men or two women loving each other. Same gender love can be
seen throughout the bible, specifically between David & Jonathan, and Naomi & Ruth.
But let's take a closer look at love before we use it to justify homosexual relationships. Without going into the Greek, there are four
basic kinds of love:
* Godly Love – a sacrificial love to reconcile the fallen world to God.
* Family Love – the love between blood or adopted relatives
* Friendship Love - the love between two non-relatives.
* Romantic Love – the love that draws a man and woman together to become husband and wife.
Same gender love is permissible with 3 of the 4 loves. A man can love a man and a woman can love a woman with Godly love, Family
love and Friendship love. However, God established some boundaries and limitations when it comes to Romantic love. Romantic
love was designed by God specifically for a man and a woman who are drawn together, committed to one another in a marriage
covenant, and continue in that covenant to become "one flesh." After the marriage commitment, Romantic Love allows the husband
and wife to express their love physically through sexual intercourse.
The love between David & Jonathan and Naomi & Ruth was NOT Romantic Love. Their loyalty and devotion as friends did not include
having sex. The need for solid same gender relationships are God-given; "Oh how good and pleasant" they are. However, with the
onslaught of homosexual characters in practically every movie and television sitcom, people, especially men, are apprehensive
about "close" same gender relationships for fear that they will be viewed as homosexuals.
As Christians, the true look of love has not and cannot change. We know "Love is never tired of waiting; love is kind; love has no
envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no pride; Love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for itself; it is not quickly
made angry, it takes no account of evil; It takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, but has joy in what is true;"
"What's wrong with two men or two women loving each other?" This is a question that many gays and lesbians use to defend their
stance on homosexuality. Actually, there is nothing wrong with two men or two women loving each other. Same gender love can be
seen throughout the bible, specifically between David & Jonathan, and Naomi & Ruth.
But let's take a closer look at love before we use it to justify homosexual relationships. Without going into the Greek, there are four
basic kinds of love:
* Godly Love – a sacrificial love to reconcile the fallen world to God.
* Family Love – the love between blood or adopted relatives
* Friendship Love - the love between two non-relatives.
* Romantic Love – the love that draws a man and woman together to become husband and wife.
Same gender love is permissible with 3 of the 4 loves. A man can love a man and a woman can love a woman with Godly love, Family
love and Friendship love. However, God established some boundaries and limitations when it comes to Romantic love. Romantic
love was designed by God specifically for a man and a woman who are drawn together, committed to one another in a marriage
covenant, and continue in that covenant to become "one flesh." After the marriage commitment, Romantic Love allows the husband
and wife to express their love physically through sexual intercourse.
The love between David & Jonathan and Naomi & Ruth was NOT Romantic Love. Their loyalty and devotion as friends did not include
having sex. The need for solid same gender relationships are God-given; "Oh how good and pleasant" they are. However, with the
onslaught of homosexual characters in practically every movie and television sitcom, people, especially men, are apprehensive
about "close" same gender relationships for fear that they will be viewed as homosexuals.
As Christians, the true look of love has not and cannot change. We know "Love is never tired of waiting; love is kind; love has no
envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no pride; Love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for itself; it is not quickly
made angry, it takes no account of evil; It takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, but has joy in what is true;"
1. Some people fully overcome their homosexual behaviors. That means, they find same-sex attractions rarely bothersome and
have noticed the gradual emergence of heterosexual feelings.
2. On the other hand, some have gained personal insight and understanding, but continue to be attracted to others of their same
gender and to battle homosexual behaviors.
Having realistic expectations is key to the change process. What are you expecting and what does healing look like to you? Are you
expecting that your sexual lust for the same gender will change to sexual lust for the opposite gender? God does not work that way.
God will change you into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. That means that His goal is to change you into a man or woman of God.
What will God require of you? "...to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God" God wants you to "...seek ye first
the kingdom of God, and his RIGHTEOUSNESS..." God is not just interested in your sexuality, but also your character which includes
your thoughts, words, actions and attitudes.
Jesus Christ was a healthy, heterosexual man, yet he never had sex nor got married. He didn't sexually lust after women, but surely
He appreciated their beauty, grace and femininity. He was secure in who He was, and mature in His dealings. So likewise, set your
sights on becoming a secure, mature Christian like Christ. The tables below give you practical applications that you can
immediately start implementing into your life.
Being transformed into a man or woman of God is a life-long process. Though it is easier said than done, the best approach to
change is to stop being so consumed with your homosexuality. You are probably hoping for a "quick fix," but in reality the transition
is a demanding, long-term process. The transition is difficult because you are dealing with complex issues, a tenacious mind set,
fragile emotions, and entrenched behaviors.
The process is better thought of as a spiral rather than a straight line (no pun intended). Tough issues such as molestation or
incest, might have to be visited and revisited. Sometimes your issues will be too difficult to face, so you will back away for a time,
regain strength, and move forward again. Bursts of progress, intermittent plateaus, and occasional reverses can all be a part of the
process.
Joe Dallas, in his book Desires in Conflict (1991), lays out a process that is typical of the progression of change:
1. Homosexual behavior ceases
2. Needs that have been satisfied through homosexuality are heightened and identified
3. Nonsexual intimacy begins to satisfy identified needs
4. Self-perception and how you perceive others change
5. Sexualized emotional responses to old perceptions change
Don't even think about trying to do this all alone. Even though shame, guilt and fear are dominating your actions, you MUST reach out
for support. That doesn't mean that you have to tell everyone what you're dealing with, but you will have to tell someone. Telling
someone involves honestly acknowledging and confessing the issue(s) that you're dealing with along with a Godly sorrow for those
that you have hurt.
No single resource can address all your issues, so make use of all the following when needed:
* Faith and prayer
* Supportive family and friends
* Pastor, youth leader and church family
* Professional counseling
* Support groups
Finally, recognize that God has the power to transform any and all undesired behavior, sexual or otherwise. That is what the saving
power of confessing and believing in Jesus Christ is all about. There will be many that tell you that you cannot successfully
accomplish change. YOU must decide whose report you'll believe. Stay motivated and focused on your goal (security & maturity).
If you're dealing with unwanted homosexuality, then we hope that this information has provided you some insight into this complex
issue. For others, we hope that your heart is now more compassionate with respect to this issue.
Bridge of Hope is here if you need us. Don't hesitate to contact us and remember: HOPE! Never underestimate its power.
So, Let the Journey Begin!
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| ...the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose HOPE is in His unfailing love, to deliver...and keep them alive... Psalm 33:18-19 |
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